Katsoph

proudpoly:

Yay!

jtoday:

I think polyamory is a great idea, a great philosophy, and creates beautiful relationships if done correctly. But I personally love polyamory because of how it has made my relationship with my husband so much deeper, so much more healthy, and made both of our lives a lot happier even though he is a naturally monogamous person. 

Communication is essential to polyamory, and while Chris and I already did a lot of communicating, there was still so much we weren’t saying. So many things we felt silly bringing up, because gosh, we’ve been together for five years, you’d think we’d be over it by now. But revolutionizing our relationship brought all of that to the surface, things that had been bugging us for years and we never mentioned. We repaired a lot of damage that wasn’t even… it’s not like harmful damage, not like something was broken or wrong, but little things, little uncomfortable things that were making our lives just a bit uneasy.

When you’re willing to ask for, to reach for a happiness that is unconventional, your mind opens up. It’s like suddenly, you start asking for a lot of other things that maybe you didn’t ask for before. It’s simple communication, yes, but it’s just making requests, expecting happiness, asking for the positive things instead of just complaining when something negative happens in the relationship. Setting aside special time, not because something is wrong, but because hey - if we’re already asking for the impossible, we can also ask for the simple things. 

We’re enjoying the fuck out of each other and our relationship, way more than we were before, because it’s no longer … a necessity. It’s not “I have to be with you” it’s “I choose to be with you (and others) because I really really like being with you.” I mean… that makes it sound like before, our relationship was based on obligation. IT WASN’T, but I feel that in most monogamous relationships, there is always an unspoken undercurrent of obligation. You can’t flirt with others. You can’t act on your impulses. You can’t be with another person. You can’t have sex with anyone but me. Even with my husband, who is the most undemanding, caring, loving human being, when I flirted with others, when I lusted after others, when I had intense sexual/emotional tension with M but we held back, Chris didn’t throw a fit, go into a jealous rage, anything like that, but it wounded him a little, because the unspoken rules were being broken. Rules that he didn’t even agree with, once we started talking about them, but that had just grown into our relationship because that’s what you do.

I feel like “normal” relationships, you don’t say a lot of things. You assume a lot.You’re fitting your life into a pattern you’ve seen in everyone else’s lives.

Boy and girl flirt. Boy asks girl out. Girl dresses up. Boy is a gentleman. Girl is coy. Boy and girl refrain from calling each other for several days so as not to appear needy. Boy and girl pretend they don’t need or want a lot of things because they don’t want to come off the wrong way. Boy and girl kiss. Boy and girl have sex. Boy and girl fall in love. Boy and girl enjoy their relationship for several months, a year, until they feel the need to live together, to get engaged, because the relationship has to go somewhere, doesn’t it? Boy and girl might get married, might have kids, might live twenty years, never bringing up those things they felt from day one, worried they’ll scare the other away.

I know this is not, at all, how ALL relationships work. I’m saying it’s a pattern that happens quite a lot, and it’s a pattern that a lot of us fall into because we’re too scared to be different, for fear of being alone.

But I think that a lot of times, boy and girl are just waiting for the other one to be weak, insecure, vulnerable, so that they can have a chance to be themselves.

And that’s what’s so great about polyamory, and probably what’s so great about the other “different” sexual/romantic communities (though I wouldn’t know haha), that once you allow yourself to step out of that pattern, to ask for what you really want, to open yourself up to whatever it is that makes you happy, to go out on a limb - a dangerous, heart-pounding, terrifying, exciting limb - and ask, just ask for what you really want, instead of settling for what you’re hoping will make you happy (because that’s what’s supposed to make you happy right?) the possibilities are endless. For you and your partner. 

Yes, I know polyamory isn’t for everyone, but I think that revolutionizing your relationship by rethinking the “rules” that are naturally in place, the expectations, the obligations, the subtle things that you believe to be universal, but which don’t have to be for you - I think that is for everyone. Not just in romantic relationships, but in every part of your life. 

(via thegirlwriteslife)

*sigh*

(Source: cocksucking-accent, via thegirlwriteslife)

amaditalks:

The recent illustrations of Siri, the iPhone 4S voice-recognition based assistant, failing to provide information to users about abortion, birth control, help after rape and help with domestic violence has gotten a lot of notice. Yesterday’s post with screenshots from a Twitter…

(via steampunkragdoll)